I'm laying in your front yard are you home
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
