I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
