Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
