I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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