that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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