facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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