Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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