His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
