i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
