my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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