Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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