i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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