I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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