I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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