you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize