I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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