I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
