And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
