there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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