i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
