i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
