Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
