The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
