dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
