so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
