i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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