so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
