so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
