i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
