Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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