I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
