That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
