and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
