Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
