What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
