I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Panties = found
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
