If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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