Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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