I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
