Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
