I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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