also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
