Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
