uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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