did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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