my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
