Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
