I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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