Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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