I accidentally had phone sex last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
