People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
