Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
