I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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