i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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