We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
