i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
