i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
