How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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