woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
