420 ftw
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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