if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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