Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
