Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
