coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
