If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
