I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
