she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
