I cannot find my penis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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