I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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