So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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