Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
