Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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