so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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