Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
