Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
