If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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