uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the condom got lost in my hair
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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