I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
