she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
