i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
