Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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